Childhood ... a closed chapter or a lost identity?

Have we really grown up on it or have we just dropped it somewhere in between? 

When I see my little sister growing up, I couldn’t help myself wonder when did I stop being a child after all?

With each birthday candle, did I even blew away the existence of the child in me. 

When did the perks of being an adult came with a disclaimer that it can only fit in your life  if you kill away -

the innocence that doesn’t make you put your mind first into everything, 

the energy that doesn’t really stop you from going, 

the forgiveness, 

the affinity to love & be loved,

 the lack of prejudices & judgements, 

the effortless smile , 

the sound sleep, 

fearlessly dreaming and endlessly learning.

Have we grown up wiser, mature & responsible at the cost of losing a bit of all of these. So what is it that takes it away, is it that all the better things we are picking with age, is dominantly suppressing the good that lives in us. Or is it the inevitable thrust of life that pulls some definite cost for everything it gives.

 

Eventually no matter how gracefully you age, your childhood is exposed as a victim-

to the damages caused,

to the regrets, 

to the lost relations, 

to the broken dreams, 

to the fate of destiny & 

to everything that becomes a part of the struggle that makes you who you are today.

And in that moment, I had my answer. I am sorry, I couldn’t really preserve it all, because there never was & will be a smooth terrain and I did not plan to stop. But when I look back, yes the child in me was amazing and is neither lost nor closed. Some random thoughts like these will bring me back in conversation to the child in me !